So tomorrow is thanksgiving despite my girlfriend working 1-8pm I was going to stay home from my family trip to San Diego, and wake up early to be with her for breakfast and an early lunch and spend some quality alone time, and then go to dinner at her friends house as she does every year. Only catch is I work full time and don’t get Friday off, so I asked her to take me home after we ate so I could get sleep for work. And she is saying no she won’t take me home because it would take away 45minutes of her time there. Doesn’t even care that I am giving up my entire thanksgiving spending most of it completely alone, just to be with her. It’s really pissing me off how selfish she can be, and that she puts so many things ahead of me when I go so far out of my way to put her first all the time. :( I love her but I don’t know if I can keep going on like this.
I appreciate all the things in you, that he took for granted.
i enjoy the simple things in life
like recklessly spending my cash and being a disappointment to my family
So stupidly relevant to my stupid self right now
Maybe if I had started with goodbye then it would have ended in hello, but now you’re gone for good, I think I’ll bury my head In the pillow
I need you to understand something. From the start, day one, I knew exactly what was coming. I often times thought to myself as I stared at your velvet red walls, that there would come a day, in which I would never see them again. I always knew that I wasn’t meant to be with you, that I was meant to be single serving. That I was meant to help you heal and find your way, and that when you did it wouldn’t include me. Of course knowing didn’t help it not hurt when that time came, of course now it still hurts no less you pushing me away. But I need you to understand something far greater, far deeper than even you yet have the ability to grasp. I love you, I know my destiny, I know what fate has in store for me, and it’s a good life, but it’s one without you in it. I’ve come to realize something myself, see, I’m not sure I want that, I could give it all up and hold you in my arms, never knowing what tomorrow would hold, but i would have you. I would wake up each morning knowing only one thing, and that would be that when I open my eye’s my heart will be satisfied to see you laying by my side, your head resting gently upon my chest, moving slowly as I continue to try and breath evenly, but you’d make my heart skip a beat each time and take my breath away, and it would wake you to my disappointment, and yet that disappointment would quickly fade as your tired eyes meet mine and nothing else would matter. I would give you this world in which I have shown you, Would continue each day knowing if it were my last that I would be okay because I had you every day before it. I’m not sure this life I’m living is worth it at all, because right now, I don’t have you. I’m not sure if any life is worth living if you’re fingers don’t interlock with mine. I know you’re still broken, I know you’re still confused, I am too.
I once told you “I feel as though where ever you are I am drawn in that direction, as if a string attached to our souls is pulling me towards you when ever we are apart, I know that the sun rises each day so that the world can see your beauty, and the moon rises each night so that you will never forget the next day will be here soon, and you can forget your fears of the dark”
You are my best friend, I’ve loved you and been drawn towards you since the day we met. I’m sorry I couldn’t be stronger, I’ve failed you. I did the one thing I promised I would never do, I left. But I’ve never stopped thinking of, or loving you. I’ve avoided the area near where you live out of fear that the overwhelming temptation to stop at your house, drop everything and grab you by your waste with my left hand and neck with my right hand, and kiss you with all my heart’s love, would overcome me.
You are one of a kind, unique in a way that is unparalleled, at least in this universe. I could never stop loving you, I waited so long for you to love me the way that I love you, even when my heart was broken three times over, I still waited for you to see what I see, what i’ve seen since I first laid eyes on you.
I remember sitting in the back of shoreline, music playing loud, friends conversating, laughing, smoke lingering in the room, and then I looked to my right to see two girls sitting by themselves, and then my eyes focused on you, the smoke seemed to stop swirling, the music and voices and laughter seemed to be drowned out as I stared, I was captivated. I will never forget the regret that I felt that night after you left and I realized I had let you go without having gotten a way of contacting you. but as fate would have it, we’d meet again, the second time I knew there was no way I was letting you leave without me knowing I would see you again.
I asked you out on a date right away, you told me you weren’t ready, and that was okay with me, I convinced you to hang out with me anyways, just one on one. We went to the Long Beach Town Center, and sat in the chairs by the fireplace talking, you told me all about Tyler, and all the pain you held inside, and I told you about my past, and all the pain I had held inside as well. But despite the fact that you were sharing your most painful memories, I found a way to make you laugh, and smile, and when I did, I realized something. I don’t think I can live my life without that smile. You told me that I was the first person, brief as it was, to make you forget your pain, and from that day on I spent every waking minute trying to do that again and again.
I guess the point of this letter is, I love you Emmie, I want you to be happy, if you would be happy to have me in your life, please I beg you to let me be in it, but if you would be happier without me in your life, then I understand, and I will go, and continue as I am now. I will never contact you again and I will let you be happy.
The difference in me leaving, and everyone else who left, is I let go of you so that you could be happier, everyone else, they let you go so THEY could be happier.
I love you Em.
Things just sometimes can’t get ANY MORE confusing,
And it’s my job just to take a deep breath and situate them again,
One by one,
One problem by one fucking problem,
but the biggest problem,
is that there is no solution,
no way to stop the little problems from happening.
I guess sometimes things in life happen that well just…Happen.
Never mind, fuck myspace.